From the Bed Sheets to the Spreadsheets: Love, Business, and Conscious Partnership with Simon Chantry

Show Notes: 

 

What happens when love and business collide in a conscious, intentional way? In this special and intimate episode, Tonya sits down with her partner Simon Chantry—her husband who is an entrepreneur, musician, and engineer—to talk about their seven year journey as romantic partners and now also working side by side in the world of wellness entrepreneurship.

This episode dives into what it really looks like to build a business together while preserving the sacredness of a relationship. Tonya and Simon reflect on the challenges and gifts of sharing both boardrooms and bathtubs, blending spreadsheets with soul work, and maintaining emotional polarity and intimacy along the way.

From early meditations to bathtub therapy, from Simon’s digital currency background to the soulful vision of Rainbo, they open up about navigating boundaries, honoring each other's strengths, and fostering a culture of wholeness—both in their company and in their love. This episode is packed with golden insights on masculine and feminine energy, conscious relating, self-work, and co-creating a life of purpose.

Topics Covered:

• Tonya and Simon’s morning practices and meditations together
• Simon’s journey from engineer and crypto entrepreneur to conscious business builder
• Why they were cautious before working together and how they made it work
• Navigating polarity and intimacy in romantic and business partnerships
• Masculine and feminine energetics in work and love
• Conscious relationship tools: bathtub therapy, eye gazing, community support
• The importance of self-awareness and emotional regulation
• The sacred space between individuality and shared purpose
• Advice for couples considering building something together

Connect with Tonya:

 

• Follow Tonya on IG: @tonyapapanikolove
• Sign up for Tonya’s Newsletter
• Learn about the Ethereal Reset Retreat in Greece
• Rainbo IG: @rainbomushrooms
• rainbo.com

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Show Transcript:

 

Tonya: Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Rainbo Podcast. Today's episode is a really special one. I'm joined by my husband, Simon Chry, and this is a conversation I. Been hinting at for quite some time. I think it's been years and I'm grateful it's finally here. We're diving into a topic that's felt deeply alive for us lately, what it is like to work together as partners in both life and business.

Over the past year, Simon has been stepping into supporting Rainbo in a bigger way, and that has been such an expansive, beautiful, and. At times stretching, challenging journey, working together has felt so deeply aligned and it has brought us new lessons and reflections and edges in our relationship. In this episode, we talk about the highs, you know, some of the best parts and the challenges of running a business together.

From the gift of 24 7 support and the ease of collaborating with someone I trust so deeply to navigating. Boundaries between our personal, professional, intimate lives and the energetic investment that's required to build something meaningful. Simon brings so much entrepreneurial wisdom and having him as a sounding board, especially with my human design authority, has been incredibly supportive for clarifying me and just letting me process in a raw and unfiltered way.

We also explore a theme that's been becoming really important and alive for us, which is the force of polarity, which is this dynamic dance between masculine and feminine energies that creates magnetism, attraction, and deeper intimacy. And we are both. Practicing and students of tantra, and it's something that we've been intentionally cultivating while also living and working side by side.

And so polarity is this really core concept within Tantra, and this has been one of our biggest takeaways in the past six months. And so we wanted to share that with you. Whether you are curious about working with your partner or preserving intimacy or building a shared vision with someone you love, I really hope this conversation offers something valuable and real.

And we also share some other things that we believe has really contributed to a healthy and thriving relationship for us over these past eight years, which we're coming up on eight years this year. So without further ado, let's dive into this episode.

Tonya: Hi Simon. Good morning. Welcome to the Rainbo Podcast.

Simon: Hi, sweets.

Tonya: Hi, babe. It's nice to see you in this format on a screen when we're also in the same house and home.

Simon: Yeah, we do. We do.

Tonya: We do. We do. Well, thank you for being here. As always, I love to start every episode by asking you to tune into what you're grateful for today and sharing.

Simon: Okay. Well, I'm very grateful that we found a home in Topanga that, we're settled and we won't be moving so much. So I'm gonna just sit with the gratitude of that.

Tonya: Yeah, I definitely echo that and I am, I guess I'm really feeling so grateful to have an evolving morning practice with you and it's been really wonderful to spend the last couple of weeks I.

Sitting for a meditation every single morning together for an hour. And I don't say that. I know that that's really unattainable for a lot of people. Even like five or 10 minutes together would be amazing. But we're at this point in our lives, we're deciding to make time for that, and that feels really, really supportive to.

Both of us individually and as a couple, and it's just been a really, really nice kind of morning routine.

Simon: That's actually, that's a really good point, and I think we'll probably get into it a bit in the podcast, but you initiated me into meditation eight years ago and initially taking 20 minutes. Every morning to practice felt like a bit of a stretch, but then it just became normal.

And then of course you feel like, oh, why would I go the day without that? Because of all the benefits it brings. And so it's, yeah, it's cool to be experimenting with a longer format in the morning, just getting up a bit earlier. And it's one of those things that when you do it, you're always like, oh, why don't I do that more often?

So I'm really glad that we're taking the time to do it.

Tonya: Yeah, it's like that little Buddhist phrase that I might butcher, but it's like if you're busy or if you have enough time, sit for 20 minutes and if you're too busy then sit for an hour.

Simon: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tonya: It's like much more eloquent than that, but

Simon: works for me.

Tonya: Works for me too. I would love for you to, I mean, we'll of course get into our relationship and all of that good stuff and how you've been supporting with Rainbo. But I'd love for you to take a moment to introduce yourself to the Rainbo community, and who is Simon? What does he like to do? What has he done?

Who is he being?

Simon: For your listeners who don't know me, I am. Your husband and, I grew up in a small town a few hours outside of Toronto and spent a lot of time in nature as a kid. I grew up playing the piano. I started playing the piano when I was super young. I had an older sister who played and I was apparently, you know, from the age of three, begging to be on there, so played a ton of classical piano growing up.

I listened to a ton of piano and it really influenced me in massive ways. Anyway, I went on to study engineering for your Ontario listeners. I worked at Bruce Power for a few years as a commissioning engineer, and that was a fascinating experience when I look back on it. And then more recently, I spent 10 years building a SaaS company in the digital currency space, and that took me all around the world speaking with.

Central bankers, regulators, and other folks in the digital currency space. So that was a pretty wild ride. I left that about a year ago, a little more than a year ago, and I've been taking some time and helping you build the incredible business that you've been working on for the past. Geez, it's got it.

It's six years now.

Tonya: It'll be in May, which is wild. In May, it'll be six years since we launched, and then I was working on it for a year before that too, so it's pretty crazy to think that. Pretty much as soon as we met Rainbo, it was so close in that timeframe, our relationship starting and Rainboo starting, and you also played such a pivotal role in introducing me to really, I guess to Terrance McKenna at that stage when I was really interested in the work of Paul Stats and just going deep on so much ology related.

I loved mushrooms. I didn't even know any of those people existed back in like 2011 and 2016 when I first started getting into just the forest and mushrooms. But then as I started to learn a bit more about cultivation, I found some of those people's work. And then you introduced me to Terrance McKenna and.

You know, I think sometimes the truth, like sometimes like poetics and words can hit you in a way that kind of leaves you changed forever because like truth is a frequency and it's a vibration that is a felt experience. And so there've been those moments and I think Terence did such an incredible job at that.

So really dove into his books. But anyways.

Simon: Well, just quickly on Terrance before we move on, but I do wanna respect your schedule, but,

Tonya: there's no schedule.

Simon: There's no schedule, but I would just say like for anybody who hasn't listened to Terrance, Terrance, for me, I used to keep back in the days of the iPod, I used to keep a playlist of, all these different.

Talks that Terrence had done. 'cause he was an author, a speaker, like an art historian, biologist. He was so many different things and a linguist and, people had recorded, it was, this was before, you know, really the internet looked like it does now, but people had recorded him traveling all around.

He spent a lot of time at eSalon and uh, obviously throughout California, but also around the world. He spent a lot of time in the Amazon, but he did so many incredible talks. And like you said, there's a lot of truth in those talks. There's a lot of. Really next level concepts that he gets into. But from my early twenties, I would keep a playlist on my iPod of all these different talks, and it was kind of like the original podcast for me.

I would be, you know, traveling somewhere listening to Terrence and, uh, at the very least, you'll be able to appreciate his use of the English language. So for those of you who haven't listened to long form Terrence McKenna, I highly encourage you to do so.

Tonya: Yeah, and there's an amazing book called Food of the Gods that was a really incredible read and very good book.

Simon: His books are incredible, but if you can get his talks down and you can hear him speaking, then as you read the books, you might hear his voice in your head, which is even better.

Tonya: Yeah, no, the, it is true. The talks like him freestyle is so next level. Well, thank you for sharing that. And that kind of brings me back to the earlier days of our relationship too, where you were traveling so much.

That must have been like the first half or even more of our relationship where I was alone. Like I had a lot more space. And then of course there was like COD and. Being in very small, enclosed areas with you, which we both love and thrive in gratefully. But you've had a really, really fascinating career so far, and and background, and you've also been so open-minded in the process, which we've talked about and many times with some of the main things that you've attended, like Burning Man and how that's really shaped your perspective on life and how you wanna live it.

Yeah. So before we started. This episode, we were kind of joking about what we would call this, which was like from the boardroom to the bedroom

Simon: or the bedroom to the boardroom.

Tonya: And what were the others?

Simon: oh geez, I don't know. Two sweets corner.

Tonya: Yeah, we had some other kind of rated R ones. But anyways, that made us laugh.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I wanted to, I've been promising listeners a conversation with you for a long time, and you know, I know you're not so much on social media, but people do know you there and I. I wanted them to get a sense of your energy and also just share what it's been like to kind of run this business together and whether or not that ends up being a long-term thing.

You've kind of stepped in over the past year, maybe year and a half, but year specifically to really support in a lot of amazing ways that has been really. Beneficial to me to business. And you've been able to really like harness a lot of your skills within finance and entrepreneurship to bring that over to us.

So I would love to hear a bit about, you know, what that experience has been like for you and then maybe we can get into like some of the best parts of working together, some of the challenges that we've needed to work through. I mean, I will say personally, I remember early in my twenties I did always kind of have this vision of being able to work with a partner because I think.

Partnerships always. It can always be really like fun and creatively. There's a lot of creative collaboration that happens regardless of whether or not you're making something tangible together. But I was always, for a long time, since I've been young, I've been intrigued by the idea of working with a significant other.

And actually as I go back, like to when you were working in your previous role, I was. Always like imagine that would be so good because we also have very complimentary skill sets, I would say.

Simon: Yeah, totally. I think, it's been an incredible journey. I think this really special bit for me not to take anything away from the business, but the, I.

Really, really sort of, uh, special element that I've been able to feel by being with you is just like how we treat each other in each moment, and how we make sure to really be aware of how the other's feeling and what we can do to make each other's life experience better. So I would say. That made working with you at Rainbo that much easier and that much, um, enjoyable.

It's such a feel good company that's helping so many people. So it's got so many different like ingredients of what would. Inspire me anyway to want to, yeah, to want to really dive in and, and build it with you. Not to mention, it's like obviously such a wonderful example of your creativity to be able to see, and it resonates so strongly with people.

You know, we get all kinds of stories of people walking through stores and it literally just like jumping off the shelf, being like, this is such an authentic, creative product. But no, look, it's a big shift going from venture backed to software business dealing in super highly, uh, regulated and kind of novel environment that was digital currency, digital like national digital currency, digitizing like whole country's currencies, and not even to mention how that interacts with like crypto, which is incredibly volatile and, also can be pretty sketchy.

It's fascinating from a technology standpoint, but it's a lot and I think, you know, from my engineering standpoint, it was. Super, super interesting to go deep on digital currency for that long and really try and understand where's the real innovation at? Like, what's really going on here? Why does it continue to be worth so much?

why are, you know, central bankers worldwide concerned and looking to get into it in their own ways? You know, why do regulations keep jumping all over the place depending on which political party in power? So it was like a super complex and, uh, eventful and volatile space and. It took a lot outta me. It was, um,

Tonya: you're talking about, I just wanna clarify for listeners, you're talking specifically right now about the cryptocurrency blockchain space. I.

Simon: Maybe to try and summarize for your listeners, like the last company that I built over about 10 years, we developed a, platform that enabled either banks to issue, like commercial banks to issue stable coins or central banks to issue their digital version of their own currency.

So it was a big offering. We would license that software to those institutions and then they would go ahead and digitize their currency and offer it and market on a blockchain. They could choose a different blockchain. I won't go into it super deep, but it takes a lot to build a software platform like that and the industry.

Is so much different than coming and stepping into Rainbo and health and wellness and obviously while you were building Rainbo. I was super fascinated by it and also really, really liked the way that you did it in so many ways, like you did it organically. You didn't have to go out and raise a ton of money to do it.

Right from the get go, you were getting such positive reviews from customers. So all these things were like really inspirational to me to see, and I was like, oh wow, that's really cool. And yeah, hopefully someday I can help you build that. And here we are. So I guess that's a bit of background for kind of like how I was looking at you and the business and then now getting into it.

Of course. We, you know, initially we were kind of careful saying like, oh, if we ever do work together, what's going to happen to our relationship? We're gonna have to be careful about, you know, respecting our time for intimacy and connection. 'cause it's so easy for us to just talk about business. There's always something going on and.

Again, because it's a feel good company that's impacting lots of people in so many good ways. There's always something to talk about. There's always problems to solve, of course. But, I feel like we have struck a pretty good balance so far with taking time for ourselves and some different practices that we have.

You already mentioned meditation, but the bathtub is a pretty significant one. Maybe I won't riff too long, but for anyone who doesn't use the bathtub as a relationship tool to go deep with your partner, highly recommend. Highly recommend bathtub for two. Leave your phones out, get nice and relaxed, and uh, you'll go deep.

Tonya: We pretty much, we built our relationship in a bathtub for three years, I would say, like when we first moved in together. But I wanna pause there because there's so many amazing things that you said that I want to kind of double click on. And I do really wanna talk about the piece around boundaries in business and how that's been just one of the things that, one of the places that I've really needed to work on, whether with you or without you.

As you know, boundaries has been really challenging when you're kind of part of your brand and really. Committed to building something. But what I wanted to mention was, I guess it's really beautiful to hear the reflection of you saying that stuff about how you were inspired about, I guess, how I was growing it during Rainbo.

And I think it's interesting for me to hear that reflection because for me, that's always been like the only way. To do things and to run something. And it feels like that is just so true to me. And when I look at some of this stuff, I know you're not super into human design or anything, but I will say that from the very, very brief one time experience I had in the corporate world, I.

I left that thinking never again. And I need to create something different. I need to create the experience of where I would want to work. 'cause I don't even try to do it that way. That's just the only way that I can operate. And it's not to say that there's not like certain different organizational things that have come in now at year six or seven that we didn't have at year one.

Like for sure we've needed to put in. Different things, better organizational tools and whatnot. But I will say that that feeling is something that I encourage people to try to find, and that I think is only going to become more of a. Familiar and common thing within business because that pocket of how we spend our lives and the missions that we're all moving towards and that sense of purpose, I think is so essential for every single human being.

And so that's always been like the only way to do it, but it's just cool to hear the reflection. And I know from your experience and the levels of corruption that you found in the countries you were in, and there's so many ways to be, and you had a really. Particular experience in your career up to this point?

Simon: Well, and it's almost fitting that in the health and wellness space, like corporate culture should be healthy, right? There should be more awareness on the wellbeing of all team members and what you prioritize and what you expect outta the people. Probably how you speak to each other, how you interact, right?

If you want to develop like a, uh, authentic. Corporate culture authentic, and that's like in line with your offering and you're in the health and wellness space, you know, you probably should be doing it that, that way. Not to say there's other corporate cultures that couldn't also be healthy. I'd like to think that a lot of other corporate cultures could have, you know, a, a really great working environment and I'm sure plenty do to be honest. I'm sure plenty do.

Tonya: They do. They do. Yeah.

Simon: But it's definitely not, uh. I don't think it's the majority, unfortunately, but to, you know, hopefully we'll get there. And I think that the more and more people who are able to foster these super healthy cultures, they set a great example, especially when they're successful and they continue to grow, they really do set a great example and also like to think that you can attract really good team members by doing that.

You've showed that with the team that's now at Rainbos, the wonderful, talented people and everybody's like inspired by, uh, what they're working on and inspired about where Rainbo's headed. So that's also like a really big. Plus side of working with the team and with you.

Tonya: So let's now I guess, dive into some of the challenges that we have experienced.

And like you mentioned, I'm glad you actually reminded me because I kind of forgot about how we were. Very careful about and intentional about coming into a working relationship together. And we can also mention, we have this nickname, you know that you call me Sweets and I call you Sweetss. And now collectively our friend group calls us the Sweetss.

And I say that just because I do love, I think it's one of our superpowers, is the ability to truly. What's the word I'm looking for? Like draw out of each other a essence that is extremely sweet and loving and respectful and compassionate and good in our communication and effective in how we exist and are together.

And I think those are really essential ingredients.

Simon: Yeah, I feel really lucky just to have found someone who, like we're on the same page about what kind of vibe do we want to create in our day-to-day lives.

Tonya: Yes. And where I wanted to go with that was basically that we have something so sacred and so special between us.

And so we were really cautious, I guess, to get into business together in a way that felt like we could preserve that sacredness of our relationship because that is. Always first and foremost, the thing that we cherish and want to, you know, ensure that we're giving our energy to. So maybe we could start there and hear your thoughts on that for a bit.

Simon: Definitely that was a concern. It was like a hypothetical initially because it was just like, you know, up until then, yeah, I'd been maybe advising you from time to time as like different problems would come up and I would help, or we would network together. But in going deeper, it was more of a concern. I think there's a few things that stand out for me that have helped us navigate this in a really healthy way.

And on the one side it's our relationship tools, and we've mentioned a few of them already. Meditating together has been wonderful. Bathtub therapy, obviously taking our walks together, taking time away from work together to do something special.

Tonya: You practice Kundalini with me.

Simon: Yeah. And when you do those sorts of things together.

Like the energy that you feel out of those experiences is undoubtable and it's really, it sort of forms these, like probably forming some sort of core memories together as you cultivate this really great energy. And also, like you mentioned, we're the sweets.

We genuinely want to create a loving and positive environment wherever we're living. We're not comfortable if there's something bothering either one of us. It's our tendency to just get it out right away and make sure that, you know, the other person's heard and understood and we solve whatever it is. So I would say there's like these relationship tools that have been super helpful that we've sort of built before getting into business together.

And those, you know, we will continue to come back to and I'm sure we'll probably add to our toolkit. But then on the business side of things, it's, I wanna

Tonya: add one more thing to that, which is community. When I think about. Us and our love. There's also a community of such intentional friendships and other couples that we have crafted around us, and it's almost like in that web of our love also exists.

The love of some of our core best friends who share. A level of commitment and I don't know how else to say it, but that share that partnership with us. And so for me, when I also think about something that has been so formative for us, it's that we found a tribe and our soul family, and we very intentionally get together with those people.

Not like many, many times a year, especially now that all of us are doing so many things in the world. But we come together a handful of times a year to create exceptionally special experiences and share our gifts and. Do things together. And so I think there's also that in whatever way that that expands our capacity for love.

That's also been something that's so next level.

Simon: That's really helped as well to be able to witness other couples and their love and their relationships has been super cool. Yeah, I'm very appreciative for those. I'm sure we could tell a bunch of stories about how we met these folks and all that, but we'll be here for another hour just talking about, uh, those beautiful people.

So, but no, very grateful for that. And yeah, I guess you could put that into either its own category or into, you know, the category of our relationship and then expanding that and being able to witness. Some of our best friends. Love. It's incredible. But on the business side, if I can, I guess there's a few things.

One thing is actually something your dad said to me at one point when I was telling him like, you know, we really want to be protective of our relationship. And we had just actually met with a, um, well unplanned meeting with like a psychotherapist. We were at Summit and we were eating dinner and a, a psychotherapist happened to sit down beside us.

Was asking us about our life. He seemed to be intrigued about our relationship and our life. And midway through the conversation, I could see him like tearing up and he's like, look, you guys might think that this business that you're working on is the most important thing, but he's like, it's your intimacy.

It's your relationship that is the most special thing. It seems like what you have is rare, but it's also to be cherished. It is the most special thing that people are looking for in life. So that really struck us and we're like, okay, you know, we, we don't, we don't, we don't, we don't want anything to mess that up.

And so I remember your dad saying, 'cause I was saying that to your dad, like, we really want to preserve how special our relationship is. We only want it to get better. We don't wanna lose that. And that he was like, well, of course, but who are you going to trust more than your significant other in business?

And it made me realize, well look, as much as the relationship is something that, of course we always want. To respect and grow and nurture. It's also a really big pillar of strength in a business relationship. 'cause like there's no way I'm gonna steal from you or like mess around. It's just such a deeper bond and it is, yeah, I consider it to be like a big pillar.

It's a strength. And then also since in our relationship, we don't let things. Like go unresolved,

Tonya: fester. Fester. Yeah.

Simon: We don't think fester. That's right. So if something's bothering us, it's gonna come up and we're gonna deal with it together, and then we're gonna be on the other side of it. And I think that's also really important in business.

If there is an issue and it's bugging you and like you have a really, really good gut, your gut feeling is really good. If something's off your gut or your brain, I don't know which comes first for you, maybe you'll know better. But

Tonya: same thing, my guts in my brain, my brain's in my gut.

Simon: They're talking to each other. There's pretty good flow.

Tonya: There's a big old heart right in the middle of it. In

Simon: between, yeah. Directing traffic that's

Tonya: emanating lots of signals. Yeah. Guiding the whole thing.

Simon: Yeah. So when you pick up on an issue and it comes up right away, it's important that we solve it right away. And so I think that that's like a good tool that applies in in business. It applies in relationships.

Tonya: Yeah. Thank you for saying all that. That was like, my heart was just like growing and growing. I'm not sure why. It's just like, yeah, it's there

Simon: it goes again.

Tonya: Yeah, I guess so. But I remember that moment so specifically with that wonderful man and as psycho a therapist and that was honestly, that was a really big moment for us in our relationship.

That just happened quite recently. 'cause that was just November. But that moment like has really changed us in a beautiful way because I think we had. Before that we had forgotten a couple key things I feel. And after that we've been so much more diligent with setting some clearer boundaries and it's so interesting.

And so something that I wanna share is the dance in polarity. And this was something that we have been practicing and at least it's been on my mind and it's been changing how I show up in our relationship. And it's made me more, more aware of the ingredients that are needed to maintain polarity, both in business where you have me and everybody on the team is showing up with leadership.

And that's a beautiful thing that I encourage. But also there's a lot of like leadership that ultimately does like. Have to come for me, and I'm making these decisions and I'm very supported in that, and I'm very grateful for that. But then when we switch over into like more of a rest mode or it's time to decompress for the day, which hopefully we're gonna eventually get better and better at, but when it switches into like the turnoff mode, that's where I find my work has to be done because it takes such awareness.

And decision to shift when you're in an analytical frame of mind or when you're just in a specific brainwave state, and then you're like, oh, okay, now I want to shift into a rest mode. I want to be receptive. I wanna get ready for sleep. I wanna tune into my feminine side. I wanna go within. And it's like, oh, wait a minute.

There's that like frigging thing that's just knocking that won't let my mind shut off. And that comes into our relationship, of course, in various ways. And that could be like me going on a rant and you're just like, Hey, just so you know, you've talked about this before and you helping me with that, but I thought it could be, I don't even know if any of that made sense, but essentially what I'm trying to say is.

There's a very essential polarity within a partnership that is required, and it means that both of us have to be comfortable moving and shifting in and out of that polarity and be mindful of that.

Simon: Well, that's where the name of the podcast came from, from the boardroom to the bedroom. Or from the spreadsheets to the bedsheets.

Tonya: Right. That was the other one. I love that one. Okay. That's, that's what this episode's gonna be called from the spreadsheets to the bedsheets. Okay.

Simon: Yeah, that, look, it's an interesting thing that this is newer to me because I, uh, hadn't. You know, thoroughly contemplated the nature of the divine masculine, the nature of divine feminine.

Until more recently, these were things that were just maybe more abstract to me or, or something that I didn't feel or think about it as much as I have more recently, because I think that these are the strongest forces that we can feel from a energy perspective as humans. I really do. I think that if you look up the qualities of divine masculine and the.

Everything that goes with that, like actions, thoughts, emotions, principles, morals. If you look these up from both the divine masculine, divine feminine perspective, I think a lot of people are gonna find really good north stars for how they wanna evolve as humans. And so it's been a big, um, realization for me to recognize that.

If these aren't just theoretical things that you can strive towards, there's actually practices that you can do to harness your masculine and harness or get in touch with your feminine. And like you said, when you're running the business and making, you know, you call them majority of the shots in this business, you're in your masculine quite a bit and I would say the business has been successful because of your direction.

So your masculine is like. Strong, but there's also a lot of feminine in there as well. And so I would say the trick for an individual is understanding when you should be in your divine masculine, embracing that and when you should be in your divine feminine and embracing that. And you know, and some people will obviously have more than others, like men probably typically have more masculine of course then, uh, women.

But then in the context of a relationship to do the practice that we learned, which should we describe the practice a bit or.

Tonya: Yeah, I would love for you to tell us about that in just a moment. And if you don't mind, I'd like to read out some of the qualities of the masculine and the feminine for anybody who that would just help right now, ground some of these principles.

Simon: Let's hear it.

Tonya: So these are really beyond gender. They are, I suppose, essences within us and ways of being in the world. So the masculine traits are strong, controlled, focused, powerful, centered. Purpose-driven, loves a challenge. Single task-oriented problem solving, wanting freedom and release making. Big things, small, needing admiration, and appreciation, respect, and intimacy.

Killers for this one are like being criticized, controlled, or shut out, and some of the feminine ways of being are more free, flowing, open, radiant, wild, destructive, emotion driven, seeking and giving love more of that nurturing quality. Multitasking, diffused awareness rather than that single task oriented masculine trait, wanting to fill up and gather, talking, venting, remembering things, needing reassurance and attention, wanting to trust, wanting connection and praise.

And then the intimacy killers for this are feeling unseen, unsafe, or misunderstood. And so this is what we're kind of oscillating between in our day in the way of who we are. We have likely, whether you are a female or a male woman or man or anything in between, you're going to likely have some of these innate characteristics more present in your life.

And for me, I definitely have a lot more feminine qualities. But actually, I dunno. I do feel balanced in that, and I've heard that women have a pretty easy time moving between our masculine and feminine because we have both, because we create both. And so I don't feel super challenged to be in my masculine versus my feminine.

I find that process to be quite natural. It's really just there are moments where I am looking to shift into a different state and wind down or be in a state of intimacy with you, and it's really. Me working with my mind to turn things off and talking about that process with you and supporting each other through that, and having times of the day or moments of the weekend, or just understanding what those boundaries are for each other and helping each other with them.

Simon: Like I said, I'm still a bit of a noob in this sense, but I feel like I'm working on it. I'm, uh,

Tonya: oh, and one thing I wanna mention, because this whole masculine, feminine, divine masculine, divine feminine piece is so often talked about, I think in my circles anyways, I'm very familiar with it. But what is less spoken about is the dark, feminine and the dark.

Masculine. And those are the characteristics also that we all have within us. They're also our shadows, and I think it's really important to, part of the dark feminine is this like all encompassing engulfing ability to devour all of our human emotions and to really let them give them their space. And so I feel the need to also say that.

Everybody has work to do, and you and I are not sitting here without the feelings of like having experienced jealousy, having experienced comparison, having experienced tripping up on power or whatever those things are. We're all ultimately humans that are bringing tons and tons of awareness to those parts of ourselves.

I just think like it's very, very important to welcome all of it because in something as challenging as business, you're going to be, every, every, every single part of you is going to be challenged. It's going to be brought up for healing, for recognition, for a decision in that moment to say like, oh, I know this part of me and.

I know what the lighter option is here and this is my work, or this is what I'm gonna choose in this moment. And like, Hey, I see you, thanks for showing me that this is a trigger. And then like deciding to move the energy, move the mind into a different path and direction. 'cause there's always, we're like, we're always up against until we're so practiced at this, but there's always the two options of do I go this positive way or do I go this negative way or do I go somewhere in between? And it's neutral, but do you know what I mean?

Simon: Yeah, I'm glad you said that. I think it's important to just be aware of the spectrum of like human tendencies and human behavior in the context of these. I guess elements that do apply to all of us. So yeah, I was talking initially about the divine masculine and divine feminine, but of course there's the dark side of both.

And the more you can be aware of it, I think a number of things, the more you can be aware of it, the more you can be aware of it in yourself, right? So if you read about it and you contemplate it, you consider it, you're like, oh, I see how that comes up in myself, number one. And then number two, you also realize like.

Everybody deals with this, everybody. And uh, it's not specific to you. Everybody has continuously has choices to make about what sort of energy do they want to bring to their life. And I think that's actually liberating when you realize that you're not mentally unwell, you're not this or that, any sort of condition.

I mean, sure those things exist, but I think for the majority of us, it's like. The brain is like a very complicated thing to manage. Our energy is, is like very, very, I mean it's, we're such a complex like electro biochemical being, but really when it comes down to it, we're all dealing with very similar challenges in the sense of how do we wanna show up in the world and what sort of energy.

Do we want to choose as we head into our day, regardless of the circumstances. And yeah, you could say it's easier for some people if they're in a nicer environment or they, you know, have a job that they prefer or something like that. But I think it just means that in some cases the challenge is bigger to step into the sort of energy that you actually align with.

So the first step is like becoming aware of it and really understanding. Dark, light, masculine, feminine, and the qualities that accompany these things. And then consciously choosing, well, you know, what sort of person do I really want to be? How do I wanna show up? How do I wanna show up for other people myself, my Swedes, so on.

Tonya: Thank you for saying that. I completely agree. It is extremely, extremely liberating to see those parts of ourselves and allow them, instead of repress them and just invite them into the dialogue, into the whole scenario and like, you know, not give them too much of your time and attention or let them take over, but the acknowledgement and allowing that to diffuse.

One other quick thing I wanted to mention on the polarity piece is that within tantra, like polarity is one of the essential teachings and where attraction between two. People or two items is the strongest when there's a clear energetic charge between those polarities. So when partners are too similar in energy, when they're both deeply in their masculine or focused on logic or structure, or when they're both too overly in their feminine kind of being too emotional, flowing without direction, then the relationship can begin to feel like roommates more than lovers.

And so the maintaining polarity in long-term relationships has been. So essential for us because there's like, yeah. Work dynamics and responsibilities and life stressors, and at some point kids come into the equation and these responsibilities start to blur polarity between couples. And this can cause so many things to happen.

Like attraction can wane that subtle energetics can feel off. And so there's a lot of things that you can do, and I would love for you to tell us about the practice that we learned. How that was like such a really beautiful moment where the masculine partner is deepening their presence and holding a container of a steady space for the feminine and the feminine partner surrenders into like pure expression and feeling and openness and that there's this like sense of playfulness that emerges and the sensuality and a spontaneity.

And there's really this like tantric teaching where. There's both polarities within both partner all the time, and that we play with the energy to help balance each other.

Simon: I guess if any of your listeners want a step by step, I'll give it to you super quick. So you and your partner sit, uh, let's say you start sitting cross-legged on the floor directly across from one another, looking each other in the eye, and each of you is looking in the left eye, I believe is what we were taught.

So you start by looking in the left eye, the masculine partner. Sets the cadence of the breath. So nice, deep, slow breaths together. And the feminine follows and breeds at the same pace that the masculine sets. And let's say you do that for a couple minutes. After a couple minutes, that's when the feminine will start to move in.

Whatever way that they feel in the moment. They could dance or they could, I don't know, they can weave, they can do whatever they're feeling while the masculine holds the same posture, same strong, upright, meditative posture, maintains eye contact as much as possible, but doesn't need to do it. Constantly if the feminine is looking away and doing whatever it is that the feminines doing, and the masculine continues to breathe at the same cadence and the feminine continues to breathe at that same cadence while making her, you know, sort of unrestricted feminine movements, and that could go on as long as you want it to.

Then you close out the practice, I believe how you started it. So you come back sitting upright and the masculine hasn't moved. It still, you know, has that cadence of breath and that solidarity and the support, like you mentioned before, keeping a feeling of safety, providing a, a safe container for the feminine to move around and do her thing.

So you come back to the eye gaze in the left eye and the breath and then you close it out. And um, I found it really powerful. I thought it was a really cool exercise. I'm really glad we learned it.

Tonya: Yeah. And. Really great place to do it is the bathtub. Bathtub. It's really nice 'cause you can sit in front of each other, cross-legged for that.

And also both partners can explore playing around with the, you know, playing the masculine role versus the feminine role, which can be fun to explore as well. And,

Simon: well, we haven't done that yet, but yeah, if you're feeling it, go for it.

Tonya: We haven't done that, but you could. Yeah. And there was some people in that group that didn't have, like, it wasn't a male and a female.

There was just like two males or two females. So in those cases you do play with whatever one you wanna try on. But I wanna talk briefly on, you know, we're coming up on being together for eight years. Whoa. I mean, time is an illusion, but I suppose that's, you know, it follows some linear fashion in the 3D.

But what do you think? You know, has been the ingredients of a successful and healthy and thriving and exciting and interested relationship. I know a lot of people are looking for their person or a partnership and love and commitment, and what do you think are some of those essential ingredients?

Simon: What do I think?

Well, we've mentioned a lot already in the conversation. I think having someone who's. Sort of made, I guess, yeah, made that decision to choose the kind of energy, like showing up in a way that you find attractive and that is also healthy and balanced for, you know, how you tackle life on a day-to-day basis.

And I think both of us are optimistic people who enjoy a challenge and to really want to use our time productively and learn new things and create, I think these are what's. Helped us resonate probably with each other, but then also, you know. Prioritizing the other person's wellbeing and making sure that, if anything's bothering either one of us, that we speak about it straight away.

I'm trying to distinguish between, you know, things that are maybe specific to us and our own personal tastes and this and that, versus practices that are probably more broadly applicable to anybody who. Wants a, uh, you know, committed and loving and healthy, balanced relationship. And I think so, yeah. I mean, we could talk about our individual tastes and, you know, the kind of music we like and this and that, and that's awesome that we share a bunch of those things that are like, you know, very specific to us.

But I, when I think about things that anybody could do, it's those sorts of things. It's like, uh, are you the sort of person who is, will just like nitpick at somebody else and you know, will pick out other flaws and that, or. Do you have a more delicate way of approaching things that bother you or a loving way of helping a partner who's going through something or, you know what I mean?

Like there's a prioritization of each other's wellbeing. It manifests in all kinds of different ways, but it's a theme that has carried through our relationship.

Tonya: I think that when we come to relationships as inherently whole people, and we've done. A good degree of self work and we're able to see ourselves and catch ourselves and know our patterns.

We can begin to create pattern breaks within relationships. And for me, I. I spent a lot of time before finding this relationship with you, really working through some challenging relationships in my life, and I got to a stage, and I do think that this is such an important ingredient because I was like fundamentally a different person before I had a certain level of awareness about why I did what I did.

I was a lot more destructive, self-destructive in a relationship. And I mean that in the sense where. I had less emotional regulation, and so I think that for me feels like such a foundational, fundamental ability to have found this relationship and been in such a complete state of like wholeness and a really strong degree of connection to my purpose.

And then as over these eight years as our relationship has continued to evolve, there's been an outpouring of love, but also these like three separate entities within our relationship where it's like there is the individual of Simon who we, I. Aim to have supported and expressed, and there's the individual of Tonya who we aim to have expressed and supported.

And then there's this like sacred connection of our love and us coming together. And yet we can maintain individuality within that larger container of partnership. And that has felt also like such an important ingredient because. There hasn't been a moment in this relationship where I feel like I've gotten lost in it, where I feel like I've lost myself.

And I, I, I'm not sure if you can say this, like I, I'm pretty sure you can say the same, but like, I won't speak for you. And I think that feels also really whole in a way.

Simon: Yeah. There's like kind of a funny contradiction there where I think one of the reasons why our relationship has worked so well is because.

We've done that work on ourselves and we're comfortable by ourselves, and so we weren't. Coming at each other. When we first met, we weren't coming at each other as though like, oh, you're gonna fill a hole for me, or I really need to be with someone. Neither one of us were in that place. It was more just like, we're on this personal journey.

We want to be better people, and oh, oh, you also are on a journey that looks similar and maybe we can help each other, you know, become the sort of people that we want to be and support each other. And

Tonya: we fell in love

Simon: and we fell in love. Yes. Yes. It wasn't just purely, yeah, but I do think there is a contradiction there where it's like if you're working on yourself and you are truly comfortable being alone, then you're probably in a really good state to be in a healthy relationship.

So I, yeah, I would stand by that. I. And yeah, of course love, of course love, of course love. But the self-work is necessary. There's no question about it. Nobody's gonna fill a hole for you. You know? You gotta be whole and show up whole. And then it's even better when you do that. And look, it may feel like now, you know, I say that, but now I'm like, oh, well I couldn't imagine, you know, not being with you now. But I still think it's, I still think that that's truth.

Tonya: Well, yes, I. I mean, I hope this is the first of many conversations with you, Mr. Ry. I would love to have you on on another episode if listeners are interested, which I think they are just to talk about like you have such a unique perspective on money as a currency, as a store of value.

So I wanna plant some seeds for maybe you two share your wisdom within that world with us, because you completely, completely shifted my. Perspective and you created a lot of expansiveness for me financially, and I'd love to share that with listeners, but a few rapid fire questions before we part ways and be in the same house.

But who is more likely to forget a meeting?

Simon: Like between you and me? Yes, probably me.

Tonya: Really?

Simon: What

Tonya: I thought you were for sure. Gonna say me.

Simon: No, you'll be late, but we're both late, so

Tonya: yeah, we're getting better at that after Japan. Okay. Who makes better coffee?

Simon: Obviously me,

Tonya: obviously you. I don't really drink that much coffee.

Who makes better matcha? You obviously me. Who's the bigger risk taker? Me. You think so? I think so too, actually. Yeah. Obviously right now that I am having. Okay. Do you have any rapid fire questions for me?

Simon: What's the fastest you've run the a hundred meters in

Tonya: Less than a minute.

Simon: I, no, you caught me off guard. I don't know. Yeah, I don't have any, uh, at the moment. Sorry. I'll come more prepared next time. That's

Tonya: okay. I should have asked if

Simon: there's an, we'll see what the ratings are, like if there's a next time. Right.

Tonya: It'll be great. Would you? I. Have given yourself any advice, or rather, would you give any advice to others listening to this episode who might be thinking about getting into business with a significant other?

I know you offered, but maybe just like a succinct words of wisdom.

Simon: Sure. Yeah. We've covered so many of the core considerations I guess, that we've experienced over the last. Six years throughout Rainbo's life. And, um, that's pretty hard to summarize in like a minute. But yeah, I mean, how many of these can I, like, say, if you've worked on yourself and you're showing up, you know, with awareness and, you're taking the time, you're not losing yourself.

It can be a really special experience. It really can. especially if it's something that you both believe in. And, you know, yeah. If it's aligned with your values and your mission and you know it's gonna make a positive impact on, you know, your local community or society or culture, you know, at large, for some of the bigger businesses that have been birthed, then.

It's gonna bring a lot of purpose to your life and a lot of fun. A lot of, you know, there's a lot of different opportunities that

Tonya: a lot of fun,

Simon: you know, being an entrepreneur open up and so it's like if you're up for that journey, it's a fun one. It's a great one. It's like there's so much to experience in this life. So like why not max it out as much as you can?

Tonya: Thank you so much Simon. It is clearly always a pleasure to talk to you and the pleasure is all mine

Simon: , thank you for having me. I appreciate it and I hope that people get something out of this, so

Tonya: Me too.

Simon: Have a great day.

Tonya: Thanks so much.

Simon: I love you.

Tonya: I love you.

 

Keywords: 

conscious relationship, working with your partner, sacred masculine and feminine, couple entrepreneurship, emotional polarity, spiritual business, wellness company culture, relationship tools, business boundaries, intimacy and business